[These days, his focus is full of holes, a sign he had been taking it far too easy. Which is a hell of a sentence to say in such dire straits as these. They had made themselves too comfortable, happily playing house in this prison they've almost contented themselves to stay caged in, focusing all their energy on all the wrong things, picking up on all the details that won't ever matter and picking their teeth with the bones of red herrings, and that is why lately, he finds himself counting.
It was only after Amagi and Shiina had died that he realized all that was slipping away, right from his side. Sometimes it feels as though it's a result of him moving too quickly, and other times he wonders if he's been moving at all. Regardless, time doesn't stop for him or anyone else still here.
It started with counting the days, because he could never let himself forget the moment he got that call, the scene he arrived to, the way the night fell after and day rose the next, irreverent. Then the items as they cleaned the home. The forks. The spoons. The plates. The bowls. The coats. The cards. The figurines. Everything theirs, all of theirs, still theirs. He counts it, and it's useless to know, but he stores it like he's got everything more to lose, and he does.
Even Kaname. Kaname is slipping away too, even when they're walking beside each other. HiMERU would defy fate itself to keep that from happening, but that too, in a way, is surrendering to its inevitability. They were fools to ever feel safe, and while his computations keel into overdrive, silently scrambling still for a solution, he quantifies his dwindling moments in an itemized list scrawled on the walls of his brain.
Every step through their path, every turn of a page, every smiling breath, every fold of the grass. Every beat in between, where a song could've started, but didn't.]
... Yes? [He responds evenly as ever, the subtle turn of his brother's tone enough encouragement to lift his eyes up from the page, gaze falling gently on the younger boy's focused expression. Avoiding eye contact.
A gentle breeze runs against his back, tickling the ends of his hair, tied neatly at his nape. It's long. ... It's been too long.]
[ would his brother understand? would his mother be happy? the questions, the worries from home, haunt him here as well, and he slips the grass into itself to keep himself from wavering as he so often did in the face of his brother; no amount of love could ever stop anxiety and fear, because love is where it was born from. kaname works through his basket as he musters up the words he'd practiced to himself, the face in the mirror so alike to the one beside him.
different, still. different but the same. proof of their family relation, something he clings to. ]
Truthfully, [ he starts, because maybe throwing out a bomb will ease the rest, ] I love someone very much. And I'd like to see him in the future, as I'd like to see you. But to do that, I need to know where I am in the future.
[ a pause, the wind cooling his warmed cheeks. it's strange to say it outloud. but it's true: something kaname would never act on, especially now, especially then, but the truth. ]
I know I'm behind you all. I've surmised as much from various conversations with the others. Which makes meeting him, as well as the others, far more difficult than anticipated. [ and for one person, from a land beyond, impossible.
kaname thinks of fantasies and then sets them aside. he swallows hard and finally, finally looks over at his brother, hands tight on the grass he weaves. ] You've taken my name, but why did you take it?
[ there's nothing accusatory. just curious. in all rights it belongs to his brother now, kaname has no problems with that even here -- but why, and how much would his brother offer him? ]
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no subject
It was only after Amagi and Shiina had died that he realized all that was slipping away, right from his side. Sometimes it feels as though it's a result of him moving too quickly, and other times he wonders if he's been moving at all. Regardless, time doesn't stop for him or anyone else still here.
It started with counting the days, because he could never let himself forget the moment he got that call, the scene he arrived to, the way the night fell after and day rose the next, irreverent. Then the items as they cleaned the home. The forks. The spoons. The plates. The bowls. The coats. The cards. The figurines. Everything theirs, all of theirs, still theirs. He counts it, and it's useless to know, but he stores it like he's got everything more to lose, and he does.
Even Kaname. Kaname is slipping away too, even when they're walking beside each other. HiMERU would defy fate itself to keep that from happening, but that too, in a way, is surrendering to its inevitability. They were fools to ever feel safe, and while his computations keel into overdrive, silently scrambling still for a solution, he quantifies his dwindling moments in an itemized list scrawled on the walls of his brain.
Every step through their path, every turn of a page, every smiling breath, every fold of the grass. Every beat in between, where a song could've started, but didn't.]
... Yes? [He responds evenly as ever, the subtle turn of his brother's tone enough encouragement to lift his eyes up from the page, gaze falling gently on the younger boy's focused expression. Avoiding eye contact.
A gentle breeze runs against his back, tickling the ends of his hair, tied neatly at his nape. It's long. ... It's been too long.]
What's on your mind, as of late?
no subject
different, still. different but the same. proof of their family relation, something he clings to. ]
Truthfully, [ he starts, because maybe throwing out a bomb will ease the rest, ] I love someone very much. And I'd like to see him in the future, as I'd like to see you. But to do that, I need to know where I am in the future.
[ a pause, the wind cooling his warmed cheeks. it's strange to say it outloud. but it's true: something kaname would never act on, especially now, especially then, but the truth. ]
I know I'm behind you all. I've surmised as much from various conversations with the others. Which makes meeting him, as well as the others, far more difficult than anticipated. [ and for one person, from a land beyond, impossible.
kaname thinks of fantasies and then sets them aside. he swallows hard and finally, finally looks over at his brother, hands tight on the grass he weaves. ] You've taken my name, but why did you take it?
[ there's nothing accusatory. just curious. in all rights it belongs to his brother now, kaname has no problems with that even here -- but why, and how much would his brother offer him? ]