[... Mmmm. MMmmmmmMmmm. They'd managed this long without bringing it up, even if it'd been resting in the back of HiMERU's mind like a wheedling ghost, craving to be acknowledged and addressed. Even now, Leona's said it without really saying it, but... it still makes his hair stand on end, a little.
Back then, he'd done what he had to do. It was fine in the moment, as "fine" as fine could be, and he certainly doesn't regret pursuing Kaname like he did — but no matter the impulse at the time, no matter the strange lightweight feeling he'd been so confident in when he wrapped Leona's hand around his very life, all regrets catch up eventually.
He regrets baring himself that way, leaving himself so vulnerable in practically a stranger's hands... It's almost like he wasn't himself in the second he made that decision, but there were a number of things off that night to begin with, not just with him.
He regrets opening himself to hurt, he regrets laying that weight of responsibility on someone who could very well be no one, he regrets coming to face both of those things here and now with nary an intention to look it in the eye.
No, Leona didn't hurt him that night, nor does he seem to ever want to, but still. But still. (When he'd come to him that next morning to retrieve his gemstone, it was a concerted effort to keep his expression sharply blank, when all he could dwell on was what a mistake he must have made.)
This time when he looks up at the beastman, the suspicion is gone, and he's back to something poised and neutral, though if you squint... one might find a shadow of melancholy.]
... Of course. I don't intend to let things run the course of chaos they already had, back home. Mistakes like that are supposed to be learned from.
[A slow, careful breath.]
Now, there are more people to help protect him. And yet, there are more who stand to harm him, too. So — what's your plan, oh great and mighty mage? If you have one, that is.
[ leona doesn't smile. he has no reason to, not right now. how somber everything can become in a blink of an eye, when painful realizations set in and a heavier burden is now resting on his back--- invisible arms hanging off of them with a slender body attached. to keep them both alive and safe, what could he do with his current knowledge? probably not much. he's a strong mage, sure, but that comes with practice. natural ability raises the floor. it doesn't touch the ceiling. ]
Not gonna let anyone touch him, that's for starters.
[ maybe it sounds exactly like himeru wants--- for leona to keep kaname safe. but of course, he means something completely different.
but he keeps his expression calm and stone-like. ]
'm sure there's probably some kind of magic that I don't know 'bout here. Would explain a lot. If I can bend it to my will, then... then I think that'd be best.
[ because who else would be strong enough to control it? ]
Even if I can't learn it, I can learn about it. Shouldn't be over my head. Might suck in school, but I had enough private lessons to probably teach my own classes.
[ it's true. the only thing that holds him back is laziness. ]
But if you find anything out? If you come 'cross somethin' important? You better not keep it under wraps.
What good would that important information do me, not being shared? ... For the most part, we want the same things.
[Which is to say, obviously he'd tell. But maybe not always immediately, impulsively; that's not his style. Maybe after holding onto it for a little bit, long enough to digest it and ensure something can be made of it — or even after determining there's not much he can make of it himself, and passing it to another — but eventually, he'd get it to Leona.
His secretive habits certainly are habits, but there are reasons for hiding things, and reasons for sharing, too.]
You aren't in school anymore, so realign your motivations. You certainly don't need me telling you how to get the things you want.
[They'd shown from the start, after all, they were both the type to take what they wanted with their own two hands.
Good question. Not everyone likes to stick to what makes sense. You might wanna hide somethin' that you think might be best served for later and it ends up bein' way more than that.
[ it's pretty much a warning, and not necessarily a threat. he wants both himeru and kaname to make it out alive. even if the former doesn't particularly care about his own well-being... that's why leona's even more concerned. what if it's a situation where himeru knows something that'll make the beastman want to save both? he's pretty sure this guy won't suddenly lack some sense of self-preservation...
maybe.
... ]
Nah. Wanted to do one more thing, actually.
[ he stands up. he turns, tail twisting with him, as he faces himeru and stares at him. leona's eyes narrow. ]
Tell him I came by, okay? Maybe next time we can all go out or somethin'. He also said you were a really good cook.
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no subject
Back then, he'd done what he had to do. It was fine in the moment, as "fine" as fine could be, and he certainly doesn't regret pursuing Kaname like he did — but no matter the impulse at the time, no matter the strange lightweight feeling he'd been so confident in when he wrapped Leona's hand around his very life, all regrets catch up eventually.
He regrets baring himself that way, leaving himself so vulnerable in practically a stranger's hands... It's almost like he wasn't himself in the second he made that decision, but there were a number of things off that night to begin with, not just with him.
He regrets opening himself to hurt, he regrets laying that weight of responsibility on someone who could very well be no one, he regrets coming to face both of those things here and now with nary an intention to look it in the eye.
No, Leona didn't hurt him that night, nor does he seem to ever want to, but still. But still. (When he'd come to him that next morning to retrieve his gemstone, it was a concerted effort to keep his expression sharply blank, when all he could dwell on was what a mistake he must have made.)
This time when he looks up at the beastman, the suspicion is gone, and he's back to something poised and neutral, though if you squint... one might find a shadow of melancholy.]
... Of course. I don't intend to let things run the course of chaos they already had, back home. Mistakes like that are supposed to be learned from.
[A slow, careful breath.]
Now, there are more people to help protect him. And yet, there are more who stand to harm him, too. So — what's your plan, oh great and mighty mage? If you have one, that is.
no subject
Not gonna let anyone touch him, that's for starters.
[ maybe it sounds exactly like himeru wants--- for leona to keep kaname safe. but of course, he means something completely different.
but he keeps his expression calm and stone-like. ]
'm sure there's probably some kind of magic that I don't know 'bout here. Would explain a lot. If I can bend it to my will, then... then I think that'd be best.
[ because who else would be strong enough to control it? ]
Even if I can't learn it, I can learn about it. Shouldn't be over my head. Might suck in school, but I had enough private lessons to probably teach my own classes.
[ it's true. the only thing that holds him back is laziness. ]
But if you find anything out? If you come 'cross somethin' important? You better not keep it under wraps.
no subject
[Which is to say, obviously he'd tell. But maybe not always immediately, impulsively; that's not his style. Maybe after holding onto it for a little bit, long enough to digest it and ensure something can be made of it — or even after determining there's not much he can make of it himself, and passing it to another — but eventually, he'd get it to Leona.
His secretive habits certainly are habits, but there are reasons for hiding things, and reasons for sharing, too.]
You aren't in school anymore, so realign your motivations. You certainly don't need me telling you how to get the things you want.
[They'd shown from the start, after all, they were both the type to take what they wanted with their own two hands.
HiMERU casts a sidelong glance at the other.]
Was this all you wanted from this visit, then?
no subject
[ it's pretty much a warning, and not necessarily a threat. he wants both himeru and kaname to make it out alive. even if the former doesn't particularly care about his own well-being... that's why leona's even more concerned. what if it's a situation where himeru knows something that'll make the beastman want to save both? he's pretty sure this guy won't suddenly lack some sense of self-preservation...
maybe.
... ]
Nah. Wanted to do one more thing, actually.
[ he stands up. he turns, tail twisting with him, as he faces himeru and stares at him. leona's eyes narrow. ]
Tell him I came by, okay? Maybe next time we can all go out or somethin'. He also said you were a really good cook.