[It makes sense, more than he'd like to admit. For someone who had so adamantly denied the existence of anything supernatural or superhuman, anything greater than themselves or the lives they built with their own hands — fortune and fate, gods and gifts, things wished into existence by those who wanted them to — by logic, it so follows that one would become an exorcist after experiencing a haunting.
But for someone as arrogant as Matoba, so confident and boastful in his power to still be followed by something... Something that could even cross worlds just to find him...
If a god had betrayed him, and they continue to search for him in this way... one can assume it was not yet satisfied. That Matoba resisted. Fled, even? Whatever the terms that he had managed to escape from — perhaps not entirely, but enough to gain this distance — HiMERU has a feeling he would've done the same.
There is no god he would surrender to, but there are people he would sacrifice himself for. One person, at least.
... In that case, perhaps Matoba has a point. If HiMERU himself gets entangled with some awakened evil, he won't be able to protect the person he's doing this for in the first place. Doing nothing is no better... but at least he has reason to believe he will wake up again, no matter how close he comes to death's door.]
This was the most efficient way, within my power alone. [Because like hell he was getting anyone else involved.] If my blood is not potent enough to be of use, then perhaps it would not have mattered either had it drained me entirely. The gemstone would've made sure of that.
[No, he's not one for wastefulness on principle. But sometimes other tethers will require them to take wasteful actions, and at least knowing he'd come back from it made it easier to carry out.]
Matoba-san. You spoke of your duty as an exorcist, to bear the weight of the world that people... people like me know nothing about. And is that a duty you would give your life for?
Again and again, if it called for it?
[He has a feeling he knows the answer, but he can't claim Matoba doesn't surprise him still.]
Edited (I LOST THIS IN MY INBOX I'M SO SORRY) 2023-01-18 08:21 (UTC)
[He leaves HiMERU to dream up explanations as he likes, because it told a lot about someone- what monsters they came up with when details were left to the imagination, what judgments they invented in their minds. Ayakashi were the reflections of human anxieties; they were one and the same.]
[Just slightly, Matoba's eyebrow raises. The stone? He wonders, but he doesn't ask for explanation- there was a lot about this world he didn't yet know, and he was aware of that.]
[But as for HiMERU's question- that one was easy to answer.]
Yes.
[Without hesitation. He was born for it, a tool for a clan of hunters, created to bear the weight of people. It was his duty to protect, as it was his duty to produce an heir to be the next tool, as it was his duty to die. Yes, he would give his life- for his people, for humanity, against the scourge of that which they could not defend against without. He served no purpose, otherwise.]
[He turns to leave, but something stops him after a few paces towards the door, turning to look back over his shoulder at the other man.]
But that is a strange question, Himeru-san. We all have but one life to live. If you have the freedom to live yours as you please, then you have the freedom to end it how you choose, too. Don't you think you should choose a less wasteful one?
[Revival mechanics notwithstanding; that isn't 'another life', to him. It may as well be the same as falling unconscious for a while.]
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no subject
But for someone as arrogant as Matoba, so confident and boastful in his power to still be followed by something... Something that could even cross worlds just to find him...
If a god had betrayed him, and they continue to search for him in this way... one can assume it was not yet satisfied. That Matoba resisted. Fled, even? Whatever the terms that he had managed to escape from — perhaps not entirely, but enough to gain this distance — HiMERU has a feeling he would've done the same.
There is no god he would surrender to, but there are people he would sacrifice himself for. One person, at least.
... In that case, perhaps Matoba has a point. If HiMERU himself gets entangled with some awakened evil, he won't be able to protect the person he's doing this for in the first place. Doing nothing is no better... but at least he has reason to believe he will wake up again, no matter how close he comes to death's door.]
This was the most efficient way, within my power alone. [Because like hell he was getting anyone else involved.] If my blood is not potent enough to be of use, then perhaps it would not have mattered either had it drained me entirely. The gemstone would've made sure of that.
[No, he's not one for wastefulness on principle. But sometimes other tethers will require them to take wasteful actions, and at least knowing he'd come back from it made it easier to carry out.]
Matoba-san. You spoke of your duty as an exorcist, to bear the weight of the world that people... people like me know nothing about. And is that a duty you would give your life for?
Again and again, if it called for it?
[He has a feeling he knows the answer, but he can't claim Matoba doesn't surprise him still.]
no subject
[Just slightly, Matoba's eyebrow raises. The stone? He wonders, but he doesn't ask for explanation- there was a lot about this world he didn't yet know, and he was aware of that.]
[But as for HiMERU's question- that one was easy to answer.]
Yes.
[Without hesitation. He was born for it, a tool for a clan of hunters, created to bear the weight of people. It was his duty to protect, as it was his duty to produce an heir to be the next tool, as it was his duty to die. Yes, he would give his life- for his people, for humanity, against the scourge of that which they could not defend against without. He served no purpose, otherwise.]
[He turns to leave, but something stops him after a few paces towards the door, turning to look back over his shoulder at the other man.]
But that is a strange question, Himeru-san. We all have but one life to live. If you have the freedom to live yours as you please, then you have the freedom to end it how you choose, too. Don't you think you should choose a less wasteful one?
[Revival mechanics notwithstanding; that isn't 'another life', to him. It may as well be the same as falling unconscious for a while.]