If one could not join the stars in the sky, why not pull them down closer to earth? Down, and down, and down.
... Before, when Rinne had asked him about family, he felt nothing. Remembered nothing. Even if he tried to search the depths of his mind, he might as well have been grasping at air. But this story is familiar, like something he's believed all along, had felt so certain about and confident in its verity and position, yet the moment he needs it and tries to find it—
He comes up short.
That may be "HiMERU's" mother, but he can't even conjure an image of her eyes, her hair, her smile. Again, just a faceless phantom hidden in the white curtains of his memories.]
Yes. He doesn't seem to know the true ending yet, though.
[There's a palpable dread as his phone buzzes with the incoming call, and not just because of the stupid fucking contact name. He just has no good feelings about what's about to come, as he reluctantly raises the phone to his face.]
[There is a hesitant pause on Rinne's end, the words on the tip of his tongue not quite ready to make the jump. He's not sure if this is something their HiMERU has to know, especially when the act's begun to fray at the edges. But he can't lie about this.]
... Sorry. My bad! Typing was a pain in the ass, but I ain't used to hearing you like this, so it's throwing me off.
[Because the most important things are meant to be spoken, and neither of them are used to letting that happen.]
It's just... There's just something that didn't add up at the time, see? In all those nasty articles and boring documents that put me to sleep, they said that fan had just one son.
But your old man, our Vice Prez said he married twice.
who give a shit, let AMAGIBIGDICK69 make phone calls
[That drags his lips into a wry smile. If you want to laugh, you should just do it. He's been unraveling lately, as Rinne well knows, but he resents every single thread he's given up. If he could just wrest them back into his control—
... No, even then, the tapestry has already changed. Frayed threads that have come loose have no other use than to be discarded, don't they?
And yet again, something rings familiar about what Rinne says. Things that should feel like news, but don't. Things he doesn't remember being told, but something inside of him knows that it's right.
The same way he never had to be told Kaname was his blood. Regardless of the evidence, physical and intangible, his core had answered with certainty; nothing needed to slot into place, because it had always been there, all along.
He swallows thickly, his mouth suddenly dry.]
An obscured child from a prior marriage.
[That... would answer the surname question, most likely. If they shared the father.]
He said... that neither of us knew about the other for most of our lives. That for him, I'd only spoken to him for the first time less than a year ago.
With separate families, it makes sense that we hadn't known.
He told me about his school, Merumeru. It sounds like hell. I was wondering what he was puttin' up a front for. Pretending that you're something you're not, scared of being rejected... After his mom died, meeting someone who'll love him all the same must've been some sorta crazy miracle.
[He almost wishes he would. That would make it easier, in a way. Because it really is laughable, isn't it? Forgetting and being reminded, or sometimes just told the way it was, or at least how it should've been. Forgetting his life, his family, all the things that should've made him who he is today and dismissing its absence until it stared him straight on with a face exactly like his.
But Rinne is nowhere near as cruel as he makes himself out to be, and all his mercy is as suffocating as those threads around his throat. Perhaps it's for the best, though.]
I told him immediately. The way he looked at me... [A gaze so pure, unwavering, blistering with expectation.] It wasn't something I could feign my way through. He would've figured it out, so I told him.
[He knew from the start he didn't want to hurt Kaname any more than this. It was the easiest way to let him down.]
... I can't say he doesn't mind, but he's been as forgiving as anyone could.
That's family for ya. You hurt each other and forgive each other over and over, but no matter what you do, they never really go away. Honestly, I wish you'd be a little less obsessed with it. Kyahaha!
... Nah. They say obsession lasts four years, but I know it's not that.
[Because HiMERU must have been happy, too. Rinne was wondering what HiMERU was putting up a front for. Pretending that he's something he's not, rejecting others before they reach the truth. After all that's happened in his life, meeting someone who'd love him all the same must've been some sort of crazy miracle.
Rinne knows the feeling.]
It ain't your fault you forgot, Merumeru. Don't beat yourself up for it. Sure, you got no idea how to put yourself back together, but you're still willing to pick up the pieces, yeah?
[There's still something disquieting about being comforted by Rinne, but perhaps that's just his foolish pride getting in the way as usual. After the shameful amount the other man has seen of him already, it should feel easier to accept these gestures of his kindness... But for all of HiMERU's perfection, this is still something he hasn't quite yet mastered.
Ahh, it's not enough to be the only one suffering these embarrassments. Rinne's had his share too, but it's not the same only hearing about it after the fact. One of these days he'll get him back for all of this.]
Ha... As if it's a choice.
[But it is one. He could choose to let himself fall apart, to shatter beyond recognition and let that be that. (The free hand slips into his pocket and thumbs at his gemstone as he contemplates it.) With Kaname, though... Knowing what he does now, having what he does now, it really isn't a choice at all. Maybe he doesn't know what shape he and his memories used to be, or even what shape he wants to make them into from here on out — but he gets the feeling he won't have to figure that out alone, anymore.
Until then, he'll just have to hold it together, in hopes that another pair of clumsy but gentle hands might help him set things into place, too.]
... You too, Amagi. Whenever you're ready for your own pieces — you'll know who to ask, won't you?
[It won't necessarily be HiMERU. And if he decides he never wants them, that's fine too.]
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no subject
If one could not join the stars in the sky, why not pull them down closer to earth? Down, and down, and down.
... Before, when Rinne had asked him about family, he felt nothing. Remembered nothing. Even if he tried to search the depths of his mind, he might as well have been grasping at air. But this story is familiar, like something he's believed all along, had felt so certain about and confident in its verity and position, yet the moment he needs it and tries to find it—
He comes up short.
That may be "HiMERU's" mother, but he can't even conjure an image of her eyes, her hair, her smile. Again, just a faceless phantom hidden in the white curtains of his memories.]
Yes. He doesn't seem to know the true ending yet, though.
[Both of the stories she told and of her own.]
You won't tell him, will you?
no subject
nah
idols are supposed to protect dreams
not destroy em
same goes for family
[The truth is too ugly. Kaname's mother should remain as she is in her son's memories — perfect. Rinne just hopes the weight of it doesn't crush him.
Before HiMERU can text back, his phone starts to ring. Unfortunately, that means his phone is flashing the name AMAGIBIGDICK69.
Please pick up, though. Rinne has a feeling HiMERU won't want to do this in person.]
no subject
... What now, Amagi.
[A little too hushed for comfort.]
gonna get retconned but it's fine
... Sorry. My bad! Typing was a pain in the ass, but I ain't used to hearing you like this, so it's throwing me off.
[Because the most important things are meant to be spoken, and neither of them are used to letting that happen.]
It's just... There's just something that didn't add up at the time, see? In all those nasty articles and boring documents that put me to sleep, they said that fan had just one son.
But your old man, our Vice Prez said he married twice.
who give a shit, let AMAGIBIGDICK69 make phone calls
... No, even then, the tapestry has already changed. Frayed threads that have come loose have no other use than to be discarded, don't they?
And yet again, something rings familiar about what Rinne says. Things that should feel like news, but don't. Things he doesn't remember being told, but something inside of him knows that it's right.
The same way he never had to be told Kaname was his blood. Regardless of the evidence, physical and intangible, his core had answered with certainty; nothing needed to slot into place, because it had always been there, all along.
He swallows thickly, his mouth suddenly dry.]
An obscured child from a prior marriage.
[That... would answer the surname question, most likely. If they shared the father.]
He said... that neither of us knew about the other for most of our lives. That for him, I'd only spoken to him for the first time less than a year ago.
With separate families, it makes sense that we hadn't known.
[He doesn't remember any of it.]
no subject
He told me about his school, Merumeru. It sounds like hell. I was wondering what he was puttin' up a front for. Pretending that you're something you're not, scared of being rejected... After his mom died, meeting someone who'll love him all the same must've been some sorta crazy miracle.
[So, no. Rinne's not laughing about this.]
Does he know you forgot?
no subject
But Rinne is nowhere near as cruel as he makes himself out to be, and all his mercy is as suffocating as those threads around his throat. Perhaps it's for the best, though.]
I told him immediately. The way he looked at me... [A gaze so pure, unwavering, blistering with expectation.] It wasn't something I could feign my way through. He would've figured it out, so I told him.
[He knew from the start he didn't want to hurt Kaname any more than this. It was the easiest way to let him down.]
... I can't say he doesn't mind, but he's been as forgiving as anyone could.
no subject
... Nah. They say obsession lasts four years, but I know it's not that.
[Because HiMERU must have been happy, too. Rinne was wondering what HiMERU was putting up a front for. Pretending that he's something he's not, rejecting others before they reach the truth. After all that's happened in his life, meeting someone who'd love him all the same must've been some sort of crazy miracle.
Rinne knows the feeling.]
It ain't your fault you forgot, Merumeru. Don't beat yourself up for it. Sure, you got no idea how to put yourself back together, but you're still willing to pick up the pieces, yeah?
no subject
Ahh, it's not enough to be the only one suffering these embarrassments. Rinne's had his share too, but it's not the same only hearing about it after the fact. One of these days he'll get him back for all of this.]
Ha... As if it's a choice.
[But it is one. He could choose to let himself fall apart, to shatter beyond recognition and let that be that. (The free hand slips into his pocket and thumbs at his gemstone as he contemplates it.) With Kaname, though... Knowing what he does now, having what he does now, it really isn't a choice at all. Maybe he doesn't know what shape he and his memories used to be, or even what shape he wants to make them into from here on out — but he gets the feeling he won't have to figure that out alone, anymore.
Until then, he'll just have to hold it together, in hopes that another pair of clumsy but gentle hands might help him set things into place, too.]
... You too, Amagi. Whenever you're ready for your own pieces — you'll know who to ask, won't you?
[It won't necessarily be HiMERU. And if he decides he never wants them, that's fine too.]
no subject
[ His dull past, his bright future, everything he's painted in his colors, and everything that wants to be his.
Even a man with no name has that. ]
Take care of yourself, man. Don't make me a carcass-carrying ant, gyahahaha!