[... Mmmm. MMmmmmmMmmm. They'd managed this long without bringing it up, even if it'd been resting in the back of HiMERU's mind like a wheedling ghost, craving to be acknowledged and addressed. Even now, Leona's said it without really saying it, but... it still makes his hair stand on end, a little.
Back then, he'd done what he had to do. It was fine in the moment, as "fine" as fine could be, and he certainly doesn't regret pursuing Kaname like he did — but no matter the impulse at the time, no matter the strange lightweight feeling he'd been so confident in when he wrapped Leona's hand around his very life, all regrets catch up eventually.
He regrets baring himself that way, leaving himself so vulnerable in practically a stranger's hands... It's almost like he wasn't himself in the second he made that decision, but there were a number of things off that night to begin with, not just with him.
He regrets opening himself to hurt, he regrets laying that weight of responsibility on someone who could very well be no one, he regrets coming to face both of those things here and now with nary an intention to look it in the eye.
No, Leona didn't hurt him that night, nor does he seem to ever want to, but still. But still. (When he'd come to him that next morning to retrieve his gemstone, it was a concerted effort to keep his expression sharply blank, when all he could dwell on was what a mistake he must have made.)
This time when he looks up at the beastman, the suspicion is gone, and he's back to something poised and neutral, though if you squint... one might find a shadow of melancholy.]
... Of course. I don't intend to let things run the course of chaos they already had, back home. Mistakes like that are supposed to be learned from.
[A slow, careful breath.]
Now, there are more people to help protect him. And yet, there are more who stand to harm him, too. So — what's your plan, oh great and mighty mage? If you have one, that is.
no subject
Back then, he'd done what he had to do. It was fine in the moment, as "fine" as fine could be, and he certainly doesn't regret pursuing Kaname like he did — but no matter the impulse at the time, no matter the strange lightweight feeling he'd been so confident in when he wrapped Leona's hand around his very life, all regrets catch up eventually.
He regrets baring himself that way, leaving himself so vulnerable in practically a stranger's hands... It's almost like he wasn't himself in the second he made that decision, but there were a number of things off that night to begin with, not just with him.
He regrets opening himself to hurt, he regrets laying that weight of responsibility on someone who could very well be no one, he regrets coming to face both of those things here and now with nary an intention to look it in the eye.
No, Leona didn't hurt him that night, nor does he seem to ever want to, but still. But still. (When he'd come to him that next morning to retrieve his gemstone, it was a concerted effort to keep his expression sharply blank, when all he could dwell on was what a mistake he must have made.)
This time when he looks up at the beastman, the suspicion is gone, and he's back to something poised and neutral, though if you squint... one might find a shadow of melancholy.]
... Of course. I don't intend to let things run the course of chaos they already had, back home. Mistakes like that are supposed to be learned from.
[A slow, careful breath.]
Now, there are more people to help protect him. And yet, there are more who stand to harm him, too. So — what's your plan, oh great and mighty mage? If you have one, that is.